I’m sure, like me, you’ve read up on these success lists, what the most powerful people do in their mornings, how to be successful at parenting and working, through to top tips on anything to do with winning at life but the most effective and the most talked about tool to achieve true success is BELIEF. I’ve put it in capitals because I am shouting it. Belief in yourself. Honestly, you need to have that and I mean really have that deep rooted belief in yourself to be able to succeed at anything you put your mind to.

Beware of fear, it likes to turn up – A LOT! It’s important when you’re trying to achieve anything that you recognise fear and that you can learn to manage it. Some fear is ok but be careful of your words also, you could think you’re being all positive and forward thinking but your words show something very different.

I’ve noticed people talk about themselves and their pursuits in negative ways even though they don’t think they’re doing it, so I’ve coined a few of those phrases to show you what’s being said and some suggestions of how to rephrase the line, so that it stays in line with your actual goals:

On how your business is going: Firstly, it’s a rude question to ask directly. It’s like saying how’s your sex life? If you’re interested in knowing how a business is going for someone you know, just ask how are things, work? 

Fear answer – “It’s hard work, I’m doing a lot, slowly but surely.”

Belief answer – “Lots to do, I’m excited for what this year will bring.”

As a business owner, there is a constant stream of fear and anxiety every single day until that business starts making you money – easily. It can take a good few years to achieve this and those people that aren’t in business, really have no idea what it takes and how much you have to motivate yourself. When we speak regularly in negative terms, in terms that display fear, we subconsciously tell ourselves those fears and they will eventually manifest. 

On how someone is enjoying parenthood: Again, if you’re close enough to the person, you can ask things like “how does it feel to be a mum/dad?” For others, a simple general question “how are things going?” is more than enough. You’re being mindful of the other person’s feelings and really, how much do you actually care?

Fear answer for parent – “Yeh it’s great. I’m tired. I don’t have any time for myself but it’s great.’

Belief answer for parent – “It’s great, I’m getting used to the sleep interruptions and I’m enjoying this change.”

Being a parent is bloody hard – categorically the hardest hob ever! If you’re a parent, you know this, so you should be mindful. Don’t take joy out of someone’s difficult time now that they’ve joined the parents club. And for those new parents who only say having kids is all rainbows and unicorns – stop lying to yourself and others. You’ll get bitten (no pun intended) and then who will want to help you? Saying that it’s hard, will constantly train your brain to believe it as thus. Believe  that you can do it and that parenting is an ever-changing job and you’ll start winning.

On being single: I must make a point of this because when I was single for sooooo long, it drove me mad how often people would ask and have absolutely no clue at how I could be feeling (see my post How to Overcome Loneliness post here). Self awareness should be built into the curriculum in my opinion!

Fear answer for single – “Yeh, still single. I wish I could find someone. I want to be in a relationship so bad.”

Belief answer for single – “Yes and going on lots of dates. Looking forward to meeting my person and in the meantime, I’ve been [travelling a lot, enjoying the museums etc].”

Your response is keeping you in a forward motion. You know you deserve someone, you’re just filling your life whilst they find you. You are open and therefore more likely to see that person arrive when they’re supposed to. The moment you think “it’ll never be me” is the moment you start training your brain to believe that. 

You see, it’s a choice. It’s up to you if you want to believe in yourself or not. Either way, you’re right and therefore the number 1 tool to ensure success in life is belief.

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