Self-love is regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. When you build self-love, you will strike a healthier balance between the way you perceive yourself, your goals and even your limiting beliefs.

An introduction to building self-love

Are you highly self-critical? Do you beat yourself up over failures? Are you working too much? Do you push too hard without giving yourself time to breathe? Are you constantly feeling the need to compete, outperform others and move ahead of the pack? Do you live with shame or a sense of not being good enough?

We live in a society that regularly tells us that you need to achieve more so that you are considered successful. You need to work harder, win, be perfect, be the best all in the name of success. Having goals and dreams to pursue so that you can live a fulfilled life is perfectly acceptable but at what cost?

How often do you stop to consider whether this self-critical and competitive attitude is actually helping you to achieve these goals? Perhaps being so hard on yourself might actually be standing in your way?

Self-love and self-esteem are linked

Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you feel about your abilities and limitations. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving the respect of others.

When you have low self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You might constantly worry that you aren’t good enough. When you build self-love, you not only build your self-esteem, you will also have more confidence to live the meaningful life you want.

Self-love and blocks

We all need to build self-love however, the way we need to do it for ourselves will differ person to person. This is because none of us have had the same life experiences. Often when we are stuck on our self-love journey, there are underlining factors that hold us back form moving forward.

Review the following to help you build Self-love:

  • Identify limiting self beliefs and overcome them
  • Develop new affirmative beliefs
  • Learn to stay focussed on your life and business goals
  • Access greater accountability for life decisions
  • Understand the tools, guidance and structure to achieve goals

Why should you build Self-love?

Clients come to me when they realise that they have a problem with building self-love by themselves. They struggle with consistency and feel like they aren’t moving forward with this work. They can see how their self-sabotaging thoughts or talk is limiting their abilities but they do not know how to stop.

Have some reflection time and consider if any of the below may be holding you back from building Self-love: 

  • Your parents were not positive or supportive while you were growing up.
  • You have not received healthy love from others.
  • Trauma may have affected you physically/mentally and made you feel that it was your fault.
  • Feeling guilty/proud/selfish for practising self-love.
  • Thinking that love comes from external validators such as things or others based on how good you are. For example: the short-lived pleasure you gain from buying the ‘must-have’ shoes or gadgets to make you feel happy/loved.

Build Self-love and gain a Superpower

So, you aren’t perfect, and you have flaws. Do you realise that seven billion other humans fit this same description?

You must find a way to love yourself: mistakes, regrets, weaknesses, and all. You are valuable and important, and to be happy you must discover a path that leads you to love yourself.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic.

You grow to love yourself by behaving in positive ways that help you physically, psychologically, and spiritually. You can’t let failure or imperfection keep you from growing love for yourself.

This is a complicated psychological skill that you absolutely have to master through practice: loving yourself, without exceptions or qualifications.

Superpowers develop as you love yourself.


Puja K McClymont – Certified Life and Business Coach

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